morphine-and-cigarettes:

Sad black and white blog, I follow back similar

morphine-and-cigarettes:

Sad black and white blog, I follow back similar

I would’ve done it if my mum wasn’t home. She’s always home.
I tried keeping on drinking water so I’d get sick naturally and it’d be more easy to explain. Felt a little sick but I don’t know if it was just the “need to purge” sick or the water. Didn’t actually do anything but I’m pretty sure I’ll have to pee tomorrow morning.
I don’t cry when I’m depressed. I just feel numb. I don’t cry when I feel like I’m fat or when I’ve binged or when I feel like purging. I just feel like I need to do that and it all just makes sense in my head. It’s what I need to do to feel okay.

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I don’t feel like telling my psychologist anything he would just judge me and think I’m really messed up I mean more than he knows
It’s not like it would show up anyway the only thing we talk about is school and that’s everyone’s top priority so I guess that makes sense I feel really sick I hope I will throw up

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I feel so fat I’ve almost fallen down to my starter weight I hate it I keep on disappointing myself in every single thing I do
I’m not having a depressed episode right now and I mostly thank my medication
But I feel like I almost miss it
That’s really messed up what the fuck is wrong with me
Now that I’m on medication and I’m doing okay everyone expects things from me and I feel like I’m not ready for that
I don’t want the ups and downs let me just have the ups
I have school tomorrow for the first time after my sick leave
I binged today and I feel like purging I feel sick I’m going to drink so much water and hope that helps

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